26 Feb 2015

Putting The Spark Back Into Your Bedroom

I'm doing it a little differently this month by incorporating several questions couples have recently come to me with. I’m not a certified sex coach but let’s just say I have A LOT of experience. The people who come to me truly want to give their marriage a fighting chance. 

Quick synopsis on my past: I was married and a house wife for 19 years. After raising my children I decided to start my Savage Desires business going from house wife to sex toy distributor. This past Valentine’s Day I’ve sold several gift packages to married men who were buying gifts for both girlfriends and their wives. Most of the questions I've had sent to me are from women, worried about losing their men because of a fledging sex life.  

Q: We have young children, and I’m too tired for sex after I’ve put them to bed.
A: Make the time. "How important is sex and, because they're related, how important is your marriage?" Everyone says they're busy but things that are important should come first. Turn of Scandal or Empire and turn each other on after the kiddies have gone to bed. If you have to do a booty call while the kids are asleep make that effort or make a date that morning so you both can think about it, and each other all day.

Q: How do I keep my partner interested in me on a continual basis?
A: Visual appeal is extremely important for men. While women love through their brain, men love through their vision. It is imperative to keep your sex quotient up. Refrain from being complacent after marriage. Groom yourself, put in some effort to keep yourself physically and mentally fit and energetic. The scent of a woman is the biggest turn on for a man. Wear clothes, shoes and makeup that suit your taste and personality, and also his taste at the same time. However, do not overdo the makeup. Men like natural looks. Remember the efforts you put in, in the first few months of your relationship? All these efforts will also make you feel confident and good about you. Don’t forget his emotional and intellectual needs. Respect him. Although men may seem to be sexually oriented, at the top of any man’s wish list, is respect from his partner. Make him feel, not only through your words, but actions too, that you value his presence in your life. Try something different - most couples tend to stop doing the deed due to being purely bored of the normal routine. There's a simple fix to that, check around online, figure out a new way to go about it, make it interesting again. Even try different positions if it'll help. Get out of the bedroom.

Q: How can I ask him to incorporate a toy into the bedroom?
A: Sex toys are a great way to explore new sexual adventures; it definitely is a touchy subject when your other half has never thought of incorporating a toy in the bedroom. It can be tricky to figure out where to start and how to approach the subject. Approach it as a team effort rather than you wanting it. For example, you could say “I was reading about a toy called the ‘we vibe’ and thought it would be fun to try it together” or “it would be fun if you tried a vibrator on me” something along that line. You can also approach it like a fantasy. Tell him you wanted to share a fantasy you had with him and explain your fantasy of him using a toy on you, how he’d use it and how it would make you feel. Put it in the context of him being an active participant. We have to let him know that they toy isn’t replacing him just adding to your bedroom play.

Keep the momentum going; remember you’re in this for the long run.

Read 2844 times Last modified on Sunday, 01 March 2015 11:23
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